Dear Santa

By my recollection, this is letter #54 that I’ve sent over the years!

In all that time we’ve only met once. Do you remember? You were stacking gifts against the back door since our house didn’t have a chimney. After having to climb down from the roof, your low-grade cursing – you called it ‘murmuring’ – woke me up. When you asked to use the bathroom I escorted you to our outhouse whereupon your ‘murmuring’ increased! There’s nothing quite like plopping your rosy bottom down on a frosty outhouse seat, right? A little taste of the North Pole right there in wintry Iowa!

Listen, I know you’re crazy busy so enough about our good old days together. Here’s my wish list for this year.

  • First, peace on Earth. I was going to ask for peace and friendship between the CSU stadium friends and foes, but I thought I’d start small and work my way up from there! Maybe next year.
  • Add a third lane to I-25 each way between Highway 14 in Fort Collins and Highway 66 in Longmont. CDOT says it will take until 2070, but you can get it done faster than that with one sleigh-full of cement per year.
  • A great City Council in April. Without one, community progress stalls.
  • Coal in the stockings of the community curmudgeons who wrongly claim that businesses don’t pay their own way. Making matters worse these folks then try use local government to extract money from companies for their various agendas. It’s kind of mob-esque.
  • A job for everybody that wants one, and let’s create even better ones to a match the education and skills of our population. After all, we rank 7th in the nation in under-employment.
  • Fix Lincoln Avenue between downtown and Lemay. It has been in the City’s plans to do this since the late 1990s. Now with the success of the local breweries and companies like In-Situ and Woodward along that corridor, it makes it even more important.
  • A great water plan for Colorado. The state lets too much of the water to which it is entitled flow out of Colorado.
  • A Las Vegas Bowl victory for the underdog CSU Rams football team over the PAC 12 Utah Utes.
  • Cram a new athletic director, new head football coach and an invitation to join the Big 12 Conference under CSU President Tony Frank’s tree.
  • Two 6 foot 5 All-American hitters for CSU Women’s Volleyball Coach Tom Hilbert.
  • Lots of profits to area companies. When profitable, they’re hiring people, paying more taxes, providing more goods and services and supporting more community non-profits.
  • Peace and safety for the peacekeepers and their loved ones. The men and women in our armed forces are there by choice, but it comes with its own share of risks and hardships.
  • Happiness and success for all of our fair citizens.

That’s it, Santa! Travel safe, and here’s wishing you indoor plumbing along the way!

Your friend,